This is not the time for camping
by MFSMG2
Summary: I'm so screwed up and this fanfic is too.
1. Chapter 1

**This is not the time for camping**

[Opening theme: "Melissa", also known as **the first opening of the anime "Full Metal Alchemist(2003 version)"**.Look up the actual opening before reading. Also this fanfic might be a bit gory,so viewer discretion is advised.]

Kimi no te de kirisaite Tooi hi no kioku wo  
Kanashimi no iki no ne wo tometekure yo  
Saa Ai ni kogareta mune wo tsuranuke

Asu ga kuru hazu no sora wo mite Mayou bakari no kokoro moteamashiteru  
Katawara no tori ga habataita Doko ka hikari wo mitsukerareta no ka na

Naa Omae no se ni ore mo nosetekurenai ka?  
Soshite ichiban takai toko de okizari ni shite yasashisa kara toozakete

Kimi no te de kirisaite Tooi hi no kioku wo  
Kanashimi no iki no ne wo tometekure yo  
Saa Ai ni kogareta mune wo tsuranuke

[Stan Marsh is in his house arguing with his parents.]

Stan:I am going to a CAMP?At this time of the year?But…but WHY?!

Sharon:Because it'll be good for you Stanley.

Stan:Well I guess it would be reasonable if we were in…I don't know…SUMMER!?

Sharon:Stanley,you're going and that's final!

Randy:Look on the bright side Stan,Gerald said that Kyle was also going to be there and you're not going to school for a week.

Stan:I guess.*leaves*

[Stan goes to bus ,Cartman and Kenny are there].

Stan:Man,this sucks.

Kyle:Don't worry dude,maybe it won't suck so bad.I hope so anyways.

Kenny:(I saw this movie where a guy went to a summer camp and scored a bunch of chicks!)

Stan:Really?

Kyle:I don't think it's that kind of camp. Have you seen its name?

Kenny:(What's its name?)

Kyle:*Angered*The hella cool camp.I mean what do they think we are,children?!Actually,how old are we?

Stan:We're about…16.

Kyle:Wow really?I guess I lost track of time since the X Park incident.

Cartman:Wait a minute,you're not here because you're going to concentration camp?

Kyle:Cartman,if you say that again I'm gonna knock your teeth out.

[The bus pulls up and they go to the camp. It's basically a stereotypical summer camp,but it also has a river separating the boys' part of the camp,and the girls'.It's also not that far away from South Park(it's actually located north of the mountain town)so you can still see some snow on the ground.]

Cartman:Goddamnit this sucks.

Counselor:Hi there!Welcome to the Hella Cool Camp!I promise you'll all have a great time!

Stan:We won't,thank you very much.

Counselor:Today on the agenda we'll be climbing the Hella Cool Wall, then we'll go eat lunch at the Hella Cool dining hall and at the end of the day we will sing campfire songs!

[Kenny trips over a stick and a land mine goes off next to him. The main four gasp.]

Kenny:(WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT)

Counselor:Oh that?There are a lot of land mines here and they are all pretty close to the gasoline cans. You see,this camp actually used to be a warzone.

Stan:WHAT?

Counselor:Now,are there any questions?

Stan:Uh…Oh yeah,why is there another camp over that lake?

Counselor:That's the girls camp and we won't be going there because we know how you hornballs are.*winks*

Kyle:HUH?

Stan:Hey, what if Wendy's there?I have to go there!

Kenny:(This fucking camp,man.)

Counselor:We don't have that kind of language here,young man. Now follow me and we're going to have fun at the Hella Cool Wall.

[Late afternoon. The main four go to their cabin.]

Kyle:I don't get this you guys. There are five beds here but there's only four of us, who else is-Huh?Wait,why are my shoulders cold-AAAHOH MY GOD NO!

Cartman:WHY!OUT OF ALL PEOPLE!

Pip:*behind Kyle*Oho I see that we are all alone in this place,where nobody can hear us.*Grins*Clearly, the answer is a fiv-

Stan:Okay Pip,we know that you're our cabin mate and everything,but if you don't shut up about your fantasies we are going to take your bony european body and feed it to Cartman!

Kyle:And we don't mean it that mean way, you french homo!

Stan:Do you understand?

Pip:Right-o,but can I sti-

Kenny:(SHUT THE FUCK UP!)

Pip:Alrighty then.

Stan:God I have to get outta here and go to see if Wendy's in the girls camp!

Kenny:(I'll go with you!)

Cartman:Hey,I'm coming too!*leaves with Stan and Kenny*

Kyle:Huh…wait I can't be all alone with this weirdo!Guys…GUYS!...GUUUUYYYY-

[Cut to the river. Cartman is already swimming while Stan and Kenny watch him .]

Cartman:You Guys,come on!

Kenny:(Hell yeah!)

Stan:Huh,Kenny,are those piranhas?

Kenny:(Huh?AAAAH!)*Gets eaten by the piranhas*

Stan:Oh my god,they killed Kenny!...Hey,where's Cartman?I guess I'll just start swimming then.

[Cut to the cabin. Kyle has had enough and Pip is looking at him with bedroom eyes.]

Kyle:*sighs loudly* I HATE everything.

Pip:Kyle,you are-

Kyle:Stop trying to get in my pants,Pip.I've told you a million times I DO NOT SWING THAT WAY!And the worst part is that you do this to Stan and even Cartman too!

Pip:I know you a-

Kyle:Hey,don't you have some romantic thing for Butters?

Pip:Um,yes but there is a difference between a romantic and a…you-know-what kind of relationship.

Kyle:IT'S TIME TO STOP,OK!?

[Meanwhile,Cartman reached the girls camp and a young woman approaches him.]

?:Are you alright?

Cartman:Where am I?

[The girl looks at him,turns out it's Rei Ayanami from Neon Genesis Evangelion.]

Rei:This camp is only for females,I am afraid that you can [not] enter this place.

Wendy:CARTMAN!?Let him in,mysterious blue girl!

Cartman:W-What?

Stan:HEY WAIT FOR ME FATASS!

Wendy:Oh,hi Stan!I am so glad you're here,now we can have a **fun** time if you know what I mean.

Cartman:I'm gonna puke.

[Back to the cabin.]

Counselor:*enters*Hey you two,it's campfire time!

Kyle:Finally!

[Pip and Kyle are now at the campfire and are seated next to some gasoline cans.]

Counselor:Okay everyone,the day is coming to an end and you know what that means,campfire songs!

Kyle:*angered*Why.

Pip:We are going to have a jolly good time here,right lad?

Kyle:THAT IS IT!*Kyle angrily pushes Pip,who falls over the counselor,who then accidentally breaks the gasoline cans. Komm susser tod by Arianne starts playing **(listen to it as you read this)** as the mines go off and due to the petrol cans and the campfire,the camp starts turning into flames.]

Pip:*gets up, but because of his light weight, the explosion propels himself high in the air ,he pulls an umbrella out of his hat,which makes maintaining the gliding easier.*(" I know,I know I've let you down,I've been a fool to myself,")Kyle,come with me!This way we can safely go home!("I thought that I could live for no one else")

Kyle:One:you're Pip, and two:you're in THE AIR! My answer is obviously **NO**!

Pip:…Alrighty then.*Glides to the north*("But now,through all the hurt & pain,it's time for me to respect")  
Kyle:Humph. Hey what's going OH MY GOD![Sees the counselor's carcass burning while the other campers run for their lives]("The ones you love mean more than anything")

[Cut to the burning campers running up to the river,but as the land mines go off and the fire and the explosions get bigger,it overcomes it and even leads up to girls camp. The piranhas also die in the flames.]("So with sadness in my heart feel the best thing I could do,is end it all and live forever. What's done is done it feels so bad what once was happy now it's sad,I'll never love again my world is ending")

[Rei is standing next to the girls camps' sign.](I wish,that I could turn back time,'cause now the guilt is all mine")]

Rei:The blue sky turns yellow,the water turns red,as the grunts of agony that the self can never forget start to appear. It begins.*starts smiling creeply*To wish for all of us to become a single entity ,or to wish to have the willpower to live.("Can't live without the trust from those you love,I know you can't forget the past,you can't forget love and pride,because of that it's killing me inside")

[Now the only thing you can see are all of the mines in the camp going off](Short Solo)

[Cut to disassembled limbs scattered on the floor("It all returns to nothing,it all comes tumbling down,tumbling down,tumbling down.").Kenny's clothes are seen in a red river,not to be confused with the other river,that one turned into a puddle. The red river starts in the camp and ends next to where the sign saying South Park is.("It all returns to nothing")

[Meanwhile,Stan and Wendy are about to kiss,but a wave gets over them("It just keep letting me down,letting me down,letting me down.)

[At the now destroyed boys camp,Kyle is shown to be horrified and panicking before a land mine goes off("In my heart of hearts,I know that I can never love again,I've lost everything,everything")

[Cartman is in a small tent]Cartman:*Shaking*This can't be happening!God help me!("Everything that matters to me matters in this world")Huh?*sees a chocolate cake outside*Hell yeah!*Goes outside,picks up the chocolate cake and smiles with some tears in his eyes*YEAAAAH!*the same wave from earlier gets him too*("I wish that I could turn back time 'cause now the guilt is all mine,can't live without the trust from those you love")

[The whole camp is in ruins("I know you can't forget the past you can't forget love and pride because of that it's killing me inside").Pip is shown high in the air with his umbrella,and sees that he has made it to South Park,but has a traumatized and broken look on his face due to hearing the screams of hundreds of campers and because the tragedy technically happened because of him . He starts crying in horror as he slowly lets go of the umbrella and lands safely on the snow,next to his house.("It all returns to nothing it all keeps tumbling down,tumbling down,tumbling all returns to nothing I just keep letting me down,letting me down,letting me down.")

(It all returns to nothing, it just keeps  
tumbling down, tumbling down,  
tumbling down  
It all returns to nothing, I just keep  
letting me down, letting me down,  
letting me down

It all returns to nothing, it just keeps  
tumbling down, tumbling down,  
tumbling down  
It all returns to nothing, I just keep  
letting me down, letting me down,  
letting me down)

[Violin Solo and clapping intensify as the song ends .Cut to Stan and Kyle laying on the ground with smalls burns on their bodies. Stan looks at the red sea and sees Kenny's jacket.]

Stan:Wow.

 **END OF PART 1**


	2. Chapter 2

**PART 2: The Mind Transfer Technique**

Stan:Wow.

Kyle:Stan?

Stan:Yeah?

Kyle:What the heck just happened?

Stan:I dunno,but it was screwed up. I was sure that I was going to die.

Kyle:Me too.

Cartman:*comes out of the water and gags loudly*YOU GUYS!

Kyle:We know fatass. We barely survived a fire and now we're stuck.

Cartman:What? We are?

Kyle:Yeah. And we seem to be the only ones that are alive here.

Stan:Wait, I've got to find Wendy!

Kyle:Stan, please. Do you think she's still aliv-

Stan:DON'T SAY THAT! SHE CAN'T BE DEAD!

Kyle:I'm sorry Stan.

Stan:No…NO!*Starts to tear up*

Cartman:Cry me a river.

Kyle:Cartman!

Cartman:What? You know, instead of crying like a bitch we could be going home and finally getting out of this place.

Kyle:But how?I don't remember where the heck this place was before it became …

Stan:*calms down*What?

Kyle:I know the one who caused this. And if I remember correctly, he also managed to go to South Park and he's probably telling everyone we're dead.

Cartman:Who is that douchebag?

Stan:Wait, you don't mean-

Kyle:Yup. And he probably knows how to get there.

Stan:But how? Like you said, the French bastard isn't here.

Kyle:But I know how we can get in his mind/memories.*does a weird hand gesture*The mind transfer technique!

Cartman:WHAT?

Stan:That's not real!

Kyle:It is, I saw it on the internet. It said that you have to do this and say the technique's name , and after you get what you want,you do another hand sign thing and say "Cancel!"

Stan:Um…Are you okay, Kyle? Isn't that kinda desperate?

Cartman:He clearly has japanitis.

Kyle:Shut up Cartman! Now, for all of us to get into his body, we must do this at the same time.

Cartman:This just sounds like a bad story someone wrote at 4 A.M.

Kyle:Cartman do you want to get out of this place or not?!

Cartman:Whatever you say, jew.

[Meanwhile: Pip's sitting on the side of his bed with a depressed look on his face. As he takes a knife out of his hat and starts leaning it to himself…Cut to the camp]

Kyle:*Ahem*…Mind[Zoom in to Kyle's left eye] transfer technique!*howling sounds*

[Zoom out of Kyle's eyes and zoom in to South Park and eventually to Pip's right eye, which becomes dilated. Zoom out. Pip falls unconscious but slowly gains consciousness.]

Kyle:Alright, now all I have to do is…huh oh god…what is happeni-wait how are **you** still here?This isn't supposed to be-How?

Stan:What?

Cartman:I don't even know but I have a bad feeling about this.

Pip:*behind Stan* Well I do not know why you have the intention on doing anything to my body or soul but I will let you know that is wrong.

Stan:Kyle? What's going on?

Kyle:Do you think I know what's going on? This is my first time it backfired!

Cartman:*Sighs heavily*

Stan:Wait, we have to concentrate, right now there are 4 minds in one body, and this will probably lead to immense insanity but then again it's Pip, so nobody cares.

Pip:Well…that is sadly true…but what are you planning to do with myself?

Kyle:Shut up!Now how do you get to South Park?

Pip:What?

Kyle:Oh shit I forgot…So huh, right now me, Stan and Cartman are stranded on the camp that you technincally destroyed and we want to get home. If we weren't in an extremely desperate situation we would NEVER do this, by the way.

Pip:Oh dear, you were in that camp! I'm truly sorry for what I did, I didn't know that saying what I said would lead to incinerating the counselor thus-

Stan:Can you shut the hell up for one second?

Cartman:I'll take care of this thing. Say your last words frenchie.

Pip:Please stop! I-I will say the directions when I remember them. I really wanted to forget the whole incident…

Kyle:Okay, we'll just go through your memories-If I knew where they were.

Pip:Well they-

Cartman:Blond homo is right guys! We can have some fun with his body and destroy his social life even more than it already is while we're at it!

Pip:I never sai-

Kyle:Hey yeah!

Pip:Can you please lis-

Everyone:SHUT UP PIP!

Stan:Now let's have some fun, shall we?*steps out of Pip's room and then his house*Okay,now what would I do if I wanted to ruin this lonely thing's life?

Butters:*out of nowhere*Hey Pip!

Pip/The main three:GAH!Huh…

Butters:Hey now, were you just talking to yourself? I didn't think this would happen today, but I knew this would happen.*sighs*D-Don't worry Pip, I still love-*looks around*I mean-like you, and I'll take you to a therapist as soon as I find one, and then you can finally take your meds, but first, um, if you don't mind answering of course, uh, what do the voices in your head say?

Pip/The main three:T-The voices…what would destroy this rela…wait-they say-well...

Butters:They must say really bad things the-

Pip/The main three:HOW COME YOU NEVER HUG ME WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON?!

Butters:WHAT? P-Pip, I'm sorry I might sound uncaring, but please don't say that in public, not so loud at least. Besides, I can give you a hug if you want to. And you said you liked it much better that way, remember?

Pip/The main three:He did what?

Butters:Anyway,I've got to go find a pen and paper to write down your symptoms, so in the meantime, just stay in your house and try to calm down and please try not to listen to the voices in your head or any other stuff, okay? I'll catch up to you later!*walks away*

Pip/The main three:*smirks*Well now, shall we have some fun?

[30 minutes later: "Pip" is seen laying on his bed with some bruises on him an expression of both sadness and satisfaction.]

Pip/The main three:I didn't know this would happen.

Cartman:Well Kyle, how did you NOT know that if someone hits this bastard, WE get hit too, jew?

Kyle:This has never happened before!

Stan:Come on guys, this was basic logic.

Pip:*in a desperate and weak state*Did you lads really think that asking the only African-American student to be my slave was a good plan?

Stan:Heh we are just doing this to ruin your life anyway and you know it.

Pip:That may be true, but now, we are technically the same entity. The same body, the same heart, the same bones, the same memories. If I get hurt, you obviously also get hurt since you are currently a pa-

Kyle:SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH BEFORE I SHUT IT FOR YOU, PIP! When your mouth opens, you just can't stop talking after that, can you? Well then, I'm sick of this shit, so can you tell us how to get to South Park?!

Pip:*smiles*

Stan:Well?

Cartman:Do you want me t-

Pip:North.

Kyle:North? But there's a bunch of water blo-

Pip:Exactly.

Stan:Oh.

Cartman:Hey, can we finally get out of this abomination?

Stan:I want to see if Wendy's alive.

Kyle:Well now all we have to do is sa-

Pip:Do you think you can get away with demolishing my already minor and broken social life?

Stan:Shut up P-Where do you get that noose?

Pip:*grins*Well, while you were distracted in your own conversation, I used my own body to tie up this noose, so that I, or rather, we, could end it all.

Cartman:WHAT?!

Pip:Now, may I affirm-

Stan:Oh god, I can't die like this!

Pip:Let's die together.

Kyle:*gasps*CANCEL!

[Back to reality. Stan, Kyle and Cartman's minds are back in their bodies and Pip's body falls uncounsciouss again. Because of this,he accidentally steps into the noose. Some hanging sounds are heard.( **20 seconds later)** Cut to the camp:Stan,Kyle and Cartman finally wake up and look at the sea. They decide to go through it as it's the only way they can get home. Wendy appears behind Stan and hugs him. Ending theme: Equal Romance by Coco, also known as **the second ending of the anime "Ranma 1/2"**.Listen to it before you read.]

Darlin'  
Just for me matte 'ru wa  
Kokoro ni zoku-zoku agetai  
Anata no yubisaki ga izanau romansu  
Unmei-goto kitto Fallin' love

Tonight Fushigi ne Umi-zoi ni tometa kuruma  
Sou futari wa konna chikaku ni ite mo  
Mienai baria jama shite 'ru no wa naze  
Namida afuresou

Darlin'  
Just for you mayowanai  
Tobikiri doki-doki kudasai  
Anata no hitomi kara hajimaru romansu  
Dare ijou ni suki yo Catch my love

 **EPILOGUE[ONE FINAL SCENE:I NEED YOU.]**

[Butters is seen opening Pip's room's door and is horrified to see what happened. He quickly grabs a pair of scissors and cuts the rope. Thankfully, he still has a pulse.]

Butters:I am going to find who pushed you this far, and I'm going to avenge you.


End file.
